


The Bird and the Cage

by mistralle



Category: X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Captivity, Forced Nudity, Humor, Kurt Marko is just trying to help, M/M, in his own way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-03
Updated: 2013-11-03
Packaged: 2017-12-31 08:59:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1029799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mistralle/pseuds/mistralle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Some”, Kurt bit out, “would say that a horndog like you should be kept on a short leash. I’m sick of dealing with furious fathers. If not for my interference, you’d be already married! Six times!”</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Bird and the Cage

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a [kink-meme prompt](http://xmen-firstkink.livejournal.com/9701.html?thread=22128613#t22128613): _I had this scene pop up in my head, where Kurt takes away all of Charles' clothes and locks him in his room, naked, to ensure he doesn't sneak out (for some reason?) And Erik sneaks into the yard underneath Charles' balcony, and they chat, while Charles tries to protect his modesty._
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> _Anyone want to put a scenario to this?_
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> Huge thanks to lovely Subtilior for agreeing to beta-read this. All the mistakes were made by me exclusively.

“You are a brat”, growled Kurt, pacing behind the bathroom door. His shadow could be seen in the crack between the door and the threshold. Charles smirked and dunked his head under the water. Kurt was still preaching about something, but oh, was it so good to just drown him out!

“...And that is why I decided that I’m not going to let you continue like this”, proclaimed Kurt when Charles ran out of breath and had to resurface.

“So, you are going to start limiting me?” Charles snorted and splashed the water. “That would be a first. Now, Stepfather dearest, some would say that it is extremely untoward for a grown up man to stalk his stepson while he is bathing”.

“Some”, Kurt bit out, “would say that a horndog like you should be kept on a short leash. I’m sick of dealing with furious fathers. If not for my interference, you’d be already married! Six times!”

“Oh, really!” Charles even rose a bit and scowled indignantly – never mind that Kurt couldn’t see him from behind the door. “That hasn’t happened for ages! And you know that everything turned out fine in the end. No one got pregnant, four of them are married - quite happily, I must add - and the last two are engaged! And as you can see, no rumors are poisoning our collective lives. What, pray tell, made you so angry?”

“Oh, no, you don’t!” Kurt must have been stomping through Charles' bedroom – he sounded like an elephant.. “It’s when everything is quiet that you do something horrendous! I remember the accident in the lab very clearly, you know?”

Charles gritted his teeth. 

“That was years ago”. 

“I remember it as though it happened yesterday”, Kurt said gravely. “It is fresh in my mind. And so I have come to the decision that it would be best if you spent this week at home”.

Charles sniggered, getting out from the bath.

“What makes you think that you can keep me here?”

“Keep you here? I would never!” Now Kurt sounded positively gleeful. “I know for sure that the wall outside your window has been scaled more times that I can count. But! I also know for sure that you won’t go anywhere! It will be quite difficult to charm an unsuspecting maiden… if you have no pants on!”

Charles choked on the mouthwash.

“What the hell?”

“I’m confiscating your clothes!” 

“Don’t you think I can just project an illusion of being completely decent?” Charles was drying himself off hastily. “Did you really think it through?”

“Oh, you won’t worry about decency, but your feet and ass won’t survive the meeting with your Mother’s roses that oh-so-conveniently grow just under your window! Ha!” Kurt triumphantly opened the door and yanked out the bathrobe. “I’m taking this too! Tomorrow I’ll think of something better, you just wait!”

“You are just being petty!” Charles wrapped a towel round his hips and dashed out. “I’m pretty sure this can be classified as a child abuse!”

“You’re eighteen already!” Kurt threw the heap of clothes out into the corridor and dashed after them. “And anyone would understand the dire necessity!”

The lock clicked. It sounded final.

“You do know I can just make anyone in this house walk upstairs, open the door and give me any clothing I need?” hissed Charles, as he hit the door with his fist. 

“Good luck with that.” He could hear Kurt smiling smugly. “I gave everyone a day off”.

Charles couldn’t believe his ears. 

But no, Kurt’s footsteps pounded off in the distance, and disappeared - together with Charles’ clothes.

Charles sat on the bed and clutched his head. That was surreal. In his worst nightmares… in his worst trips he had never seen anything like it. The worst part though, was that Kurt was sincerely concerned about him. He also believed Charles was having an affair with the priest’s daughter, and that was just - ugh!

Charles hit his pillow. 

And he was already late. Erik asked him to come by six P.M. and it was already half past. And he just wouldn’t believe Charles’ excuses, because - really? _“I couldn’t come meet you, darling, because I lost my pants.”_ Really?

He flopped down on the bed and briefly considered smothering himself with a pillow, just to frame Kurt. But this bastard might just dissolve his body in his lab and use it as a fertilizer for those damned rose bushes. 

Charles could try and pick the lock, but then again, he didn’t know where his clothes were hidden. And he really didn’t want to freeze his ass off in the drafty corridors of the enormous maze that was the mansion. 

He must have drifted off, because next thing he knew, someone was whistling a painfully familiar tune, quietly, just under his window.

His heart jumped. 

The whistling stopped and Charles heard a strange rustle. Someone swore and clearly tried to disentangle from Mother’s monstrous rose bushes. 

Charles smiled and dashed to the balcony.

Erik appeared to be mostly in one piece. There was an angry-looking scratch on his cheek and his shirt was artfully torn in some most unexpected places. He looked up and smiled a scary smile that did wonders to Charles’ stomach.

“But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.” Erik emerged from the rose bush. “I take it that you were waiting for me?” His eyes gleamed and Charles was suddenly reminded of his current state of undress.

“Oh, if only”, Charles plopped down on the floor and let one of his legs dangle down between the balustrade, strategically placing another in front of his private parts. “Kurt decided to anchor me to this abode of desperation by taking away all of my clothes. Apparently, he thinks that I aim to build a harem of misguided maidens.”

Erik roared with laughter.

“Now, that is priceless. If only he knew that the maidens are safe from you, huh?”

Charles fumed and flipped him off. That somehow provoked another burst of laughter. 

“Hey, Charles!” Erik had an evil look in his eyes. “Would I be your prized concubine?”

“Fuck you!” Charles felt himself pout but couldn’t do anything about it. “You’d be my only concubine. I’d just make you change your outfits every thirty minutes”.

Erik smiled in that inhumanely wide manner of his and cast an interested look at Charles’ foot, dangling just above his head.

“Don’t even think about it”, Charles provocatively wiggled his toes. “I doubt that you are capable of leaps that high”.

“Oh, you never know”. Erik had a contemplative look in his eyes. Just like when he decided to drag Charles into a passionate bout of necking just behind the bookshop on a quiet day. Or when he went down on Charles in the night field in the clear view of any unfortunate soul who could have decided to go for a midnight jog.

“I could always steal you”, said Erik, visibly measuring the wall. 

“I wouldn’t recommend it”, Kurt said, silkily, stepping out from the garden maze.

“Fuck.” Charles dropped his head and started beating himself on the balustrade.

“Language”, absentmindedly noted Kurt, never taking his eyes from Erik. He was somehow towering over him, even though he was much shorter than Erik. 

“I remember you”, Kurt said. “You are the one who fixed the gates for Reverend Matthews”.

“Yes, sir”. Erik was subtly inching closer to the rose bushes. Charles felt that he was really close to a suicide run. 

“I have just returned from visiting him”, continued Kurt, his face a resigned mask. “I have just given him my condolences on Charles seducing his daughter”.

“What?!” screamed Charles, shooting out from behind the balustrade. “I have never even considered her as a…”

“Yes, I came to the same conclusion after I saw her”, agreed Kurt, glum. “Much too young for you. So I apologized and gave my condolences on you seducing his wife”.

Charles felt his jaw going slack. 

“Now, I think, I will have to return and give my condolences on you seducing his employee”. Kurt took off his fedora and crunched it in his fist.

“Are you trying to get me burned at the stake?” Charles screeched, feeling his fingers go numb.

“Not at all”. Kurt sighed and put the crumpled fedora back on his head. “I knew you were fond of challenges. I just guessed wrong about the, ah, vector of your attention”.

Charles considered biting off his tongue briefly. 

“Anyway”, continued Kurt, his smile like a razor’s edge, directed at Erik. “Young man, will you join us for dinner today? The cook prepared a veritable feast, and her roasted pig is something to die for”.

Erik gulped. 

“I’m afraid I must decline,” he said in an uneven voice. “I can’t eat pig”.

“Oh?” Kurt’s smile became borderline bloodthirsty. “Are you a vegetarian, then?”

“No, I’m… I’m a Jew”. Erik was white as a sheet.

Kurt closed his eyes minutely and performed a breathing exercise. 

“Today is July, 16th, is that right?”

“That’s right”, Erik was backing off now, not caring if someone could see that.

“Right”, Kurt nodded and turned to leave. “I believe that the cook will be able to devise something kosher for you tomorrow. You will be expected. And, oh,” he turned back to Erik and pierced him with a glare. “Do you use protection? I don’t think I’m ready to greet my grandchildren just yet.”

“Kurt?” Charles squinted at him. “You did notice that both of us are male, right?”

“I did notice that both of you are mutants,” countered his stepfather, turning to the back door. “Are you sure that you are completely aware of all the changes in your body, Charles? I wouldn’t wish on you to get a surprise of your life one not-so-nice day”. 

Erik turned green and staggered into the maze blindly. Charles winced, when the pained cry rang in the air - God knows, the rose bushes there had not been trimmed for years.

 _‘You are clearly trying to ruin my life, aren’t you?’_ he thought at Kurt. 

He got a wave of smugness in return. 

_‘Consider it revenge for April Fool’s Day three years ago!’_ Kurt was positively bubbling with malicious happiness. _‘Also, I think that a change in scenery might do you good. Raven’s room is much more spacious, and it doesn’t have a balcony. And the window overlooks the cliff. Now, I know that you are crazy enough to try plunging into the water from the third floor, but please consider the fact that they have already finished the dam upstream, and the river is considerably more shallow than it used to be.’_

Charles huffed. First of all, he’d have to spend months convincing Erik to bottom now. Also, Raven’s room would only have her old dresses and skirts in the wardrobe…

He stopped.

Well, that’s an idea.


End file.
